Cognitive Dumpster Fire #1

Look guys, I don’t know what’s happening here.

Beforeyourjobkillsyou was something I thought of on a train from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, last September. Sure I was sleep-deprived, jet lagged, dehydrated, and generally traumatised from wandering along Soi Cowboy at 1am, but it seemed like a neat concept at the time.

Then I revisited the idea after 72 hours of interrupted sleep and came to the unequivocal conclusion of WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT.  After which I just went along with it anyway, and wrote 20 posts.

For the last 5 months of it’s existence, I’ve opened up the blog at least 50 times, and each time I’ve stared at it exasperated for 20 minutes, before lashing out and screaming WHAT ARE YOU at the screen.

So, yeah. Another year, another blog, another identity crisis.

You see, I’m not happy pigeonholing myself or narrowing my focus too much. I don’t like niching because that gives me the marketing shivers.  I want too many things.  But without a clear identity, what are you?

Everyone and everything needs identity. Without it, we’re just aimlessly floating around, watching vlogs and eating cheese.

This blog needs some identity.  I mean, an identity that sits well in my stomach.



What is Blogging?

Blogging is Therapy.


What is Therapy?

Therapy is where you pay someone a lot of money to sit opposite you and ask you all the questions you don’t want to be asked. Their job is to jab you with an inquisitive (completely non-judgemental) stick, until you eventually vomit out all the problems that you certainly know are there, but having been repressing in a folder, within a folder, within another folder, down in the cellar of your psyche, for 17 years.

Life’s most intimate troubles are at least three whats deep.

The point of therapy, as I (barely) understand it, is to bring all the horror to the surface.  Therapy is about communication (speaking and listening), not analysis.  By merely having an appropriate environment to talk about all your nasty things, you eventually solve all your own puzzles.

Wait, that’s wrong .  You don’t really solve anything – that’s not the point of Therapy.  It’s more that you come to terms with your issues.  Therapy isn’t for forgetting, deleting, fixing, changing or re-framing.  It’s about realisation and acceptance.

Of course, therapy is never straight-forward.  It can take years and years to unlock some people.  Some people sit on a couch for 838 days, and get nowhere.  Trauma can be deep and elusive.  And a good Therapist is sly and strategic.  He/She is an excavator of your mind, building tunnels into your conscience, so you can some day see what is lurking.  It can take a while.

Wait, So What is Blogging?

Blogging is regularly unloading your mind, just like Therapy.  Getting thoughts out on the table, so you can process them.  It’s like removing clothes from the tumble dryer, opposed to just leaving the tumble dryer on for all eternity.

Except with blogging, there is no one provoking you.  And it’s totally free.  Alright, Blogging isn’t like Therapy so much.

But Blogging, like Therapy, needs to happen with some frequency and consistency.  You can’t just show up willy-nilly every few months and think that’s alright.  That ain’t alright.  Your blog is your baby.  You have to nurture it, and show it some fucking attention.

Stupid Analogies Aside

To even begin approaching the possibility of an identity, a blog needs to have some words on it.  This blog hasn’t had many words on it in the last 5 months.

So here we go then.  Time to rectify the problem with some Accountability.  Before September 2018, I need to write 52 editions of Cognitive Dumpster Fire.  That’s one every week for a whole year.

I feel sick.

Obnoxious Call to Action:  Maybe you need Therapy.  We all need Therapy.  Let’s all have Therapy.

Comments 3

  • Really sounds like you need a drink and think straight! Now, you have convinced me to quit my job and meditate every morning in lotus position. Actually, there have been times when I really wanted to marry you, cause this blog is so f*****g brilliant. I have even started to see a therapist on this issue. So please don´t start with this overambitious word count bullshit. It will kill the spirit. It might even make me consider go back to my old office job. Your most passionate an now not so silent admirer!

    • I’ve convinced you to do what? As my legal team has reminded me, I’m not liable for your crazy decisions. But congrats, I guess.

      Well I appreciate that. It’s nice to know that there are people reading, occasionally. The cold hard analytics aren’t much of a reward, so some actual human praise from time to time certainly gives me some impetus to keep going.

      I think you’d be the first person the blog sent in to Therapy. I’d presume. So again, congratulations.

      The Cognitive Dumpster Fire bit isn’t purely about increasing numbers, but also to give me some momentum. Frequency helps me generate ideas, which I’ve been in desperate need of in the last few months. As for the spirit – If he dies, he dies.

  • Dear Chris, no worries. I will not try to sue you and if it comforts you: I have married my therapist by now, so no more aspirations in that direction either. Of course my plan is much like yours. To live off an online business to be “free” (my therapist tells me, that that´s rather a state of mind than a question of business – not sure I´ve figured this one out yet). Since I am a rather analoguous person, “online business” is a challenging undertaking for me. These are my first wobbly baby steps in the digital sphere. I grew up in the age of mailinglists, public comments on blog posts still seem a little dubious to me. So I recently subcribed to your newsletter. Anyhow, here is my pitch: Of course I value your spirit, certainly the posts from October 16 were as brilliant as stated above. For more insight on the spirit in your wrinting, get in touch. You will be my first customer. Free of charge for that matter. Uhoh, forgot to advertise my promise. You will write 52 very spirited blog posts in less than 6 months. Cause this is what you want right? Not just online therapy, but spirit.
    Yours truly,
    your admirer